dating over 30 I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is w...
dating over 30
I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is women over 30 so I wanted to make this episode because I've done a few consultations with women over 30 recently and I found them all to be inappropriately pessimistic about their chances of finding a husband which is what they were all interested in doing they all thought that purely because of their age they were functionally screwed in today's dating market and though this might not J with some of my male audience that's not really true as I discussed in my episode the way it all ends in which I reviewed the various outcome scenarios for women in relationships most women turn out okay that is most women end up in a decent relationship they may not end up in the relationship with the man they would prefer but most of them are not going to die alone neglected and forgotten that's a much more likely scenario for men so most women end up in a workable situation and they're much less likely to fall through the cracks than men are and any man who is disappointed to hear this is probably suffering from some measure of unhealed wounding that eagerly awaits a woman's comeuppance irrespective of how Justified that comeuppance might be this anticipatory shoden Freud creates a bitterness that you have to deal with so I would encourage you to find a way to resolve it for your own piece of heart in any case these women were in my opinion inappro pessimistic about their prospects and when I would tell them this they would sometimes cite things that I said in my episodes like but Orion you said that the game changes at 30 because after 30 the average man's sexual Marketplace value is higher than the average woman's sexual Marketplace value so if I don't have a husband by 30 I'm never going to find one and well it is true that the game changes at 30 and well it is true that most women are going to be operating under a relative disadv vage from that point forward this does not mean that women can't get married after 30 people can still get what they want even when they are subject to a disadvantage and the proof of that is that most men are at a disadvantage throughout their entire 20s that's a Whole Decade of disadvantage for men in the sexual Marketplace and yet every day men in that age cohort finds ways to get laid get into relationships and get married despite their disadvantage the point is that having a disadvantage doesn't mean that you can't win it is of course far easier to win while you still have an advantage but you're not doomed without it what it does mean however is that you can't expect to win at a disadvantage without making an effort as I say the game changes at 30 this means that in order to get what they want women have to change their strategy in their 30s and just like a team that is down a few points with the clock running out women typically have to adopt a more aggressive approach to get what they want think about it how do men in their 20s get what they want despite their relative disadvantage they make an effort ladies they hustle they have to work to make it happen were you just handing out sex and relationships to every man who wanted those things from you in your 20s I doubt it and who got those things from you the men who went after them in the right way the same is true for you men are not going to be handing out marriage and relationships to every woman who wants these things in their 30s especially because a lot of these guys put up with a lot of your in their 20s the women in their 30s who get the things that they want are the ones who go after them in the right way women in their 20s can kind of get away with just waiting and they can get away with this strategy not because they are inherently some priz or precious Jewel but because they occupy a privileged position in the sexual Marketplace it is an attribute of the position not the gender the problem with women in their 30s is that they haven't yet changed their strategy you can't wait you can wait you can wait if you're in the advantaged position however if you wait in the disadvantaged position you are you're like this does not work women can still win in their 30s but they have to make an effort and just like the successful men in their 20s they have to make an effort to engage the attention of the opposite sex by learning the suite of skills that work on their target audience men who have optionality with women are not just lucky they typically worked very hard to enjoy that optionality they experiment and grind and study and transform it's a lot of effort now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really helped to make the channel grow I'm also proud to announce that I'll soon be publishing my book the value of others so if you'd like to learn more about that you can go to my website and sign up for my Weekly Newsletter finally please fill out an inquiry form on my website if you're interested in booking a paid consultation the link is in the description let's get back to it now I'm telling you all this ladies because you don't usually see men's effort you just see the outcome an interesting smooth Charming charismatic and confident man is genely the result of a good deal of work you too can be the sweet sexy supportive endearing and feminine women that has optionality with men but it's going to take a lot of work most likely you will need to make an effort and expecting that a man should love you or wife you up despite the absence of these qualities is equivalent to a man expecting that a woman should just him even if he is awkward anxious boring rude and creepy it does not work just like men generally have to transform themselves to be attractive to women women generally have to transform themselves to be attractive to men and just like men generally need game to get laid women generally need game to get married do you understand now your age is going to give you a rough estimate of how hard you're going to have to work ladies it's not perfect but for ease of understanding let's imagine a 20-year period from 20 to 40 with 30 at the midpoint so if you're a 32y old woman you might have to bust your ass a little to make things happen at this point the switching Advantage is still fairly recent and the Gap is still fairly small many of you won't even have noticed a change at this point however if you're a 38-year old woman you might have to bust your ass a lot to make something happen this is because there's a kind of symmetry to the whole arrangement a 38-year-old woman is kind of equivalent to a 22-year-old man and a 22y old man gets all for being a 22y old man do you hear me he has to go out there and bust his ass every day to make something happen otherwise too bad so sad the world passes him by now in today's digital economy there are some 22-year-old men who are absolutely killing it they are making seven figures a year and have already built interesting and emotionally compelling Lifestyles but they are the exceptions most men are struggling if not functionally invisible in the sexual Marketplace at this point in their lives by the same token there are some 38-year-old women who are still slaying it out there they're getting serious offers from all kinds of successful men and they have the support and the resources to start a family later in life but they are the exceptions most women are struggling though not quite as invisible in the sexual Marketplace at this point in their lives this is why the default mode for women is to act while they still have the advantage and the default mode for men is to wait until they have the advantage why because it's easier to get more of what you want when you occupy a privileged position so if waiting is no longer a viable strategy for women in their 30s what should they do ladies you have to remember that for many centuries women were actually the ones who initiated the courtship process they just did so in an indirect manner that retained plausible deniability to protect their honor in Victorian England for example the stereotypical way a woman used to do this was to accidentally drop her handkerchief in front of the man she was interested in initiating a conversation with this gave the man a reason to talk to her regardless of how attractive a woman is few men are going to stop a woman out of the blue and pick her up unless she gives him an invitation to do so so a woman would provide him with that invitation by dropping her handkerchief that way he could pick it up and go oh Excuse Me Miss I believe you dropped this and she could Giggle and say oh my how terribly clumsy of me I'm ever so grateful and boom she is now in a conversation and the great part of all of this was if the guy turned out to be adult she could just say well thank you so much for the handkerchief but I really must be going I'm already late for tea with great aunt Melba and go on her Merry way because she had plausible deniability women you need to find the modern day equivalent of dropping your handkerchief like that's the bare minimum amount of effort needed to make something happen and if you're not willing to do even that you're going to have a tough time out there change change your strategy you can still win despite your disadvantage but you need to make an effort and I know that this is true because men do this all the time what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below as usual I appreciate your support and thank you for your understanding and now a word about Stellar if you're interested in pursuing a master's degree or a doctorate chances are good that you'll have to take the GR now before I became a psychologist I was actually one of the world's top GRE test prep instructors over 20 years I developed a unique and practical system for dismantling every aspect of this test and I helped thousands of students achieve top percentile scores on the exam today students can learn the same system I use to achieve my own perfect score with Stellar gr my online GRE self-study program I personally wrote and designed every aspect of this this course among other things it includes a 500 page test prep manual thousands of practice problems and several fulllength mock exams just like my episodes Stellar is designed to give students the strategies and techniques they need to succeed as clearly and succinctly as possible and the best part is Stellar Works my students average score improvements are higher than my competitor's score guarantees so create an account and start your free trial today at Stellar g.com use the code psych for 10% off any membership plan the link is in the description ...
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