meet new women I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is h...
meet new women
I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is how to meet women that's right I'm going to walk you through your options there are only four ways to meet women in today's day and age they also happen to be the only four ways to meet men it's not like there are different ways of meeting women than there are for meeting men however men and women encounter radically different challenges and opportunities in these four spaces so while the General pathways are the same the strategies and tactics involved are going to be very different to say the least so today I'll be approaching this framework from the male perspective let's get to it as I said there are only four ways to meet women today they are dating apps cold approach Social Circle and social media that's it and I'm going to be talking about them in that order because I've ranked them from the easiest fastest and least successful Pathway to the hardest slowest most successful pathway this is to be expected a pathway that is easy and fast and has a high rate of success would like break the sexual Marketplace like most things in life there aren't any real Shortcuts To Success you have to be willing to put in the time and you have to be willing to put in the effort but let's be clear these four pathways are not mutually exclusive the best case scenario is that men are doing or at least that men are perfectly capable of doing all four of them at once of the main reasons that men are suffering in today's sexual Marketplace the primary one is that they are overly relying on one strategy to the exclusion of the other three namely dating apps dating apps are seductive because rationally they make a lot of sense they are also convenient inexpensive lowrisk and largely passive the best thing about them is that you can literally get started for free in like 20 minutes and with the correct system you can have a consistent pipeline of women in a couple of weeks the issue of course is that the success rate on apps is very low at least if you're an average guy on the other hand if you are a man who is eight or above in terms of pure physical attractiveness especially with respect to your face like good cheekbones facial symmetry nice hair pretty eyes you can absolutely clean up on the apps it doesn't matter if they're broke or living with their parents or addicted to heroin for such men dating apps become a Non-Stop funnel of new enthusiastic women however this is not going to be the experience of the vast majority of men in fact I would argue that you really need to be at least a six in terms of pure physical attractiveness to see any appreciable success on the apps furthermore lots of men are automatically discounted by women's filters my brothers if you are under 57 or you are older than 50 you are going to have a very hard time on the apps the algorithm will just not show your profile to most women though it will continue to show those women's profiles to you giving you a false sense of hope now women will absolutely date older men and women will absolutely date shorter men however when they're sitting in the privacy of their own homes and imagining their ideal man and the app encourages them to think that they're in a sell's market their standards increasingly start to deviate from it in any case dating apps don't have a high success rate because most men are not attractive enough to beat out their intersexual competition and because they don't have a system for engaging the technology correctly average guys who are just randomly swiping are much more likely to end up feeling frustrated demoralized and hopeless than they are finding a woman to date so let's move on to the second pathway which is cold approach cold approach picking up women that you do not know in the real world is a very useful skill very useful like knowing how to hunt or to defend yourself the ability to create a sexual connection with women as you move through the world gives men like a plus 10 boost to their overall confidence which in turn makes it more likely for them to succeed in the future cold approach also has two definite pluses first you know what the woman looks like and you know that you are attracted to her I lost count of the number of women I met from dating apps who either were not using recent representative pictures of themselves and or for whom I failed to feel even the slightest sexual interest on the date in cold approach this isn't an issue as you're likely sufficiently attracted to the woman to functionally intrude into her life and second you have direct access to the woman right here right now she might not be on the apps she might not ever enter into your Social Circles and she might receive hundreds of DMS every day on social media but because you are with her in the same place at the same time in the real world you have been afforded an unobstructed view to shoot your shot of course there are several liabilities to cold approach as well first first you will likely have no idea whether any particular woman is currently in the market for a sexual relationship second women are going to be the most cautious and defended in this approach as you will have to contend with stranger danger third success depends on Snap judgments based on your current presentation as there won't be an overarching context that can provide more and better information on your behalf and fourth it can be really scary to approach women out of the blue men generally need some kind of system and accountability structure to overcome their approach anxiety and they will likely need to do at least a few hundred approaches before they begin to feel remotely confident in this strategy combine this with the fact that even the best pickup artists in the world still have success ratios that read like baseball batting averages that is they still strike out more often than they get a hit and Men usually need to approach scores of women for cold approach to make sense as a dating strategy this creates the fifth liability which is grinding through approaches can feel like a soulless hustle as a result most men when they do approach women only approach once in a while and this means a they don't get enough repetitions to really get good at it and B they really draw out the timeline for Success like given how few men approach women anymore more 10 approaches a year would probably be considered above average imagine if you only swiped on 10 profiles in a year on a dating app like good luck getting any kind of relationship that way that said if men actually apply themselves to pickup they can get pretty good at approaching women in a couple of months so this is the second fastest Pathway to a woman if you're interested in taking your understanding to the next level I would encourage you to check out the Captain's Quarters my membersonly self-improvement community your monthly membership will get you access to a Cadre of like-minded supportive individuals bonly group consultation sessions hosted by yours truly and exclusive content that you won't find anywhere else click the link in the description for more information hope to see you aboard the Third pathway is Social Circle this is the way that people used to meet they had the same friend group in college or they attended the same local church or they even work together basically in Social Circle game you date your friends colleagues and co-workers and there are a number of Pros to this approach most notably it's the safest bet when it comes to long-term relationships because you can vet women slowly and over time this could occur over multiple group outings with friends or in the context of an escalating office flirtation compared with the other approaches you're much more likely to know what you're getting into and because you have more time to build a connection with a person before you start dating it means that if you do start you're probably more likely to stay together so what's the problem well it turns out there are several first it can take a long time like it takes at least at least 6 months to make a new friend or to feel a sense of belonging in a new place and only if you dedicate the time and effort to forge the new connection second your optionality will be severely restricted like if you want to only date within your church there might be only a handful of eligible candidates and you might not like any of them and third the risks of rejection are Al actually much higher here than in other approaches whereas dating apps make the vast majority of rejection unseen and unfelt and an awkward approach can leave a bad taste in your mouth for a few minutes rejection where one works or prays or studies can be brutal if the other person doesn't feel the same way you may irrevocably alter the relational Dynamic both proactively moving forward and retroactively in that person's memory people will likely gossip about it because that's what what people do and other people might begin to treat you differently as well furthermore because this approach takes time you may have been focused on one person for months or years who might have disabused you of any hope in a matter of minutes in another context and through this all you will likely have to keep showing up to work or church or school all this is to say that you should be fairly confident that the other person reciprocates your feelings before you pull the trigger in your Social Circles also relying on your Social Circle to meet women if you're not one of the higher status men in the group it's probably not going to work status is very contextual you can be the Top Dog in one group and the low man on the totem pole in another in General Social Circle Game Works if you can be a contextual Alpha which basically means that the other in the group formally or informally look up to you as its leader as we all know women don't want no scrub a scrub is a man who can get no love from them so if you're not one of the higher status men it might be more effective to look for a different scene or even better build a new scene around yourself and there are systems for doing just that and last but not least we come to the fourth pathway social media this this approach is Far and Away the absolute best way to meet women at the present moment however of the four it can take the longest to generate results so you know better get started there are several reasons why meeting women on social media is amazing first and foremost this is where the most attractive women are they're not on the apps they're not at your local dive bar and they're probably not in your little Social Circle the most beautiful and desirable women in the world are on social media if you want to catch a certain type of fish you have to go where they swim there really is no way around this one second once this starts to work you don't have to approach women anymore women will approach you or if you do choose to initiate they are much much more likely to be receptive to your advances this is because to popular belief the most reinforcing resource to a woman is not money or power or visible ABS it's attention attention more than anything else the ability to command attention makes men irresistible to women among other reasons this is because it can actually be fairly difficult for women to recognize things like money status and Power and this isn't only due to the fact that men habitually put false signals out into the sexual Marketplace think about it would you be able to recognize a European Noble if he sat next to you on an airplane in plane cloth or how about the CFO of a major bank or the general manager of a sports franchise or a two-star general probably not I know I couldn't and this means that women could literally be sitting next to royalty or billionaires and not know it however this is not true if you're famous when millions of people know your face then you become recognizable to women in a way that many people with more wealth or more status or more power aren't what's more Fame with the halo effect it produces can make men who are otherwise not very physically attractive much more desirable like I guarantee that a decent looking but famous man has better optionality than a very attractive man on the apps Fame is a force multiplier for men in the game of meeting and dating and the good news is that while it's obviously difficult to get famous it has never been easier in the history of the world to do so thanks to social media whereas before you would have to go through casting directors and producers and Power brok Brokers of every kind and anyone who wanted to get in touch with you would have to pass through some form of gatekeeping you can now just hit record on the magic rectangle in your pocket and anyone who wants to reach you can contact you instantly and directly what a world unfortunately there are two big drawbacks to this approach first the vast majority of social media channels don't go anywhere and those that do require years of effort and consistent dedication for instance only 6% of YouTube channels have over 100,000 subscribers however given the fact that there are 51 million YouTube channels this means that there are roughly 300,000 successful creators on that platform so it's rare but it's not impossible and second it is far more difficult for men to succeed on social media than it is for women like I doubt I could put on a skimpy out and just like jiggle at the camera for 10 seconds and get a million views as I discuss in my book men expand their reputations by being visibly competent and that competence can take years to develop before the very first video is even uploaded however if and when the strategy Works famous men enter into a world of dating of which the average man for his own protection is only dimly aware so those are the four Pathways gentlemen dating apps cold approach Social Circle and social media and like most things in life the rate of success is kind of organically calibrated to the amount of time and effort involved the fast and easy options have low rates of success while the success rates of the slower and more effortful options are much higher there's plenty more that I could say on the subject but this is already a long episode as it is so I'll leave it here for now what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message I know you're thinking about someone right now who needs to hear this because it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow you want more content great anyone looking to join my free Weekly Newsletter in which I put out original content every week H or book a one-on-one paid consultation can do so on my website there's also my book the value of others it's all about relation ships available in ebook audiobook paperback formats and my member Community the Captain's Quarters where I do bonly group consultations live and have q&as with invited guests links to everything are in the description below check it out a lot of value there as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening ...
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