dating at 70 hi it's Sandy from Sandy over 70. and yes I had 17 blind dates when I had decided to start dating again after I beca...
dating at 70
hi it's Sandy from Sandy over 70. and yes I had 17 blind dates when I had decided to start dating again after I became a widow and if you're thinking oh I could never do that well yes you can if you want to and if you'd like to know how I did it stay tuned I had been married for 25 years and when my husband unexpectedly died it threw me into the throes of grief and as I was coming out of it I decided that I did not want to spend the rest of my life alone I had visions of dying in my bed and no one finding the body you know because I don't have children and so I really really felt alone in the world so I started exploring the online dating sites and there were a lot of them the first one I tried was eHarmony because they had some really good advertising on the television and it sounded like they were just a little elevated above the others and I did meet several people and I'll I'll tell you about all not all but some of the men I met but let me just say that for me eHarmony didn't work well because at the time I was living in a very small town and there just weren't enough men on eHarmony within an hour or two's drive from me because it's a smaller organization than let's say match.com which is huge so after a while I did switch to match.com and I explored some of the free sites but I was not impressed with them at all basically they were a free-for-all and I didn't I didn't like them at all but you know they work for some people and uh there's one called oh I don't know silver something except for older people and I looked at that and again it's just too small of a population if you live in a small town if you're in Chicago or New York probably it would be fine but those smaller sites did not work for me and I ended up mostly using match.com to begin with I had to fill out a lot of questions on all of the sites that I used and I had to post photos and fortunately I had a lot of current photos because that's what you really need to post if you post something that doesn't look like you and then you meet the person it's not going to be good because they're going to thank you you lied about yourself so I was very honest I put all of the uh photos up that were current I used a variety of photos to show that I had traveled a lot in a close-ups in full length bodies and that sort of thing and I would read the BIOS that were sent to me or just scan the photos and I did make contact with some of the men now you don't have to directly make contact with them you can't or you can just indicate with a little icon that they have on the sites that you're interested and see if the man is interested after looking at your profile and then he will contact you and that's kind of easier because you don't risk rejection you just put a little heart or whatever they have on the site to say I've read your bio and I'm interested you can contact me I do remember vividly my first date and of course we met I believe it was I would suggest coffee or maybe lunch in a restaurant and that's exactly where my first date was we were in a booth and I met the man and he was very awkward I wasn't comfortable with him he didn't make good eye contact and he just seemed extremely uncomfortable his wife had died two years ago and I was leaning toward men who were widowed rather than divorce because that's what I was and I thought we would have something in common you know I didn't think it went well at all and I thought well you know we had a little bit of a conversation we had a cup of coffee and that's it except that he did contact me again and we ended up exchanging cell phone numbers and texting each other it was really strange we texted each other for months and we became supportive to each other in our quest to fight a date we knew that it wasn't going to work out between us but we were kind of in the same boat and several times a day we would text each other and if we were down on that day the other person would you know do a little pep talk so it was really interesting and he really helped me I think we had dinner or lunch um you know maybe two or three times in person but the rest of the time was texting so you know that was a valuable contact even though it didn't turn out to be um a permanent relationship so that was one person and I will say that how did the 17 men I met there were three that I was interested in seeing again and there was one who was rude and the rest honestly I don't really remember very well I met many of them in the coffee shop at the grocery store it was bright it was light I felt safe and I knew that the date wouldn't last very long if I didn't want it to many of the men were still grieving the loss of their wives and they just really were having a hard time talking to me or to even consider dating so it was sad sometimes so I'll tell you about the three men that I considered seeing again and the one man who was rude let me start with the rude man because it was a very unusual situation and it only happened once this man I met at a restaurant for lunch and when I arrived in my car I pulled up to the front of the restaurant and he was sitting on the bench I got out of my car and usually a man will get up and greet you but he kept sitting there and he just looked me up and down and didn't smile and didn't greet me I had to say hello you know how are you and right away I wanted to turn around get back in the car but I went in and had lunch oh my well he talked about himself the whole time I couldn't get a word in edgewise I knew this was going nowhere and I want it out of there and he kept talking finally I said to the waitress could you bring the check please I grabbed the check I paid it just so I could leave and he was pretty surprised he walked me to the car and had the audacity to say when would we get together again I looked at him like I don't think so you know and I got in the car when I got home he had emailed me and wanted to know why I didn't want to see him again I thought it was pretty obvious well it was obvious to me and I thought I could ignore the email or I could tell him and so I described his behavior about the way he didn't greet me and how I didn't think we had anything in common I was pretty blunt but I figured maybe it would help him with his next date and I never heard from him again that was the worst experience I had I mean all the other 16 men were very polite one gave me flowers a vase of flowers I didn't even know him I was like wow how kind is that so in that respect I didn't have any bad experiences that was just an awkward one now let me go to the men that I did see again the first man I liked we were bantering back and forth in our messaging and we seemed to be getting along he his wife had died but he just wasn't over her at all and he kept talking about her and I thought oh I don't know I mean like she walked on water he told me the whole story how they met it was an amazing story and I should have known that if they're that's still in love with their late white they're not going to be able to date anyone no one's going to look good so he never asked to meet me and finally after a long time it seemed a long time I asked to meet him and reluctantly he he did and the lunch went fine and I thought you know what he really likes me he's getting all blushy he's blushing and he's he's nervous and he looked like he really liked me but when we talked about it in our messages after afterwards after the meeting he said no we would no it wasn't going to work with us and I said I can't believe it I said to him you acted like you really liked me no it's not going to work so so that was the end of that and I really think he just wasn't he wasn't ready okay the next one I met he was also still grieving I think his wife had died two years before and he was just sad and uh talked about her in glowing terms she was perfect um he had seemed to have specific criteria for what he was looking for in a future partner and a checklist so to speak and I didn't have a checklist I just knew him my God if I meant the right person I would know I did not have a checklist but apparently he had a checklist and we talked quite a bit we went on several dates once to a dog park once she took me to the theater he took me to a restaurant and finally I took him to a dinner and after the dinner he wrote Manny in message and said it wasn't going to work and I was pretty upset he said that we didn't have anything in common and that I like to travel and cruise and he didn't even own a passport and it wasn't going to work and at the time I was extremely upset because I really I was attracted to this guy and now that I look back he was absolutely right and I thank him I thank him he was absolutely right he was retired from the Special Forces he was athletic he was a hiker he was uh not interested in traveling I liked theater he did not it would not have worked in he had the sons to stop it right there and I like I said I do thank him for that because it wasn't much later that I met the third and final person that I eventually married and so we did exchange messaging and after a while we talked on the phone he was different from anyone else he was extremely polite he wasn't rushing anything and after I think the second phone call he said well this seems to be going pretty well do you think you'd like to meet and I said okay and so we agreed to meet at the Asheville Arboretum which actually turned out to be not a good location because it was really far for both of us it was an hour and a half at least for him and an hour for me but it turned out to be a very nice State we had lunch in the cafe we walked on the trails and I really liked him and so that was the beginning of our relationship and he was definitely different from any of the others and I felt an instant connection and I knew that this was the man I wanted to see more of so I'm gonna stop there and just say this about online dating if you think you can't do it that's ridiculous because you can do anything you want to if you set your mind to it the question is do you really really want to meet someone or are you doing this just to test the waters and feel it out because if you're doing it to just test the waters and feel it out you're probably going to be disappointed because your heart isn't into it and the menu meat are going to sense that right away that you're not serious if you're scared I can say that there are all kinds of safeguards and they will tell you never to give out your address your your telephone number anything you don't even use your real name until you're ready to tell them your real name so there are safeguards and you have to use common sense I did have one experience I never met the man but it was an experience that could have gone very badly and it's a lesson for me to share with you and I'll do that another time in another video but right now I just wanted to tell you about the people I did meet and also why did I go on 17 blind dates and why didn't I stop at 10. well this is why the the pharmacist that I met told me you know he said I've been on a couple of dozen dates and I haven't met anyone and at this time I was nowhere near 17 and I thought I know is that how much it takes for a man even he's gone on 24 dates and no one has looked good to him and I thought well you know I think if he can do that I can do that and I'm going to set that as my goal before I give up at that point if nothing has happened I'll reevaluate I didn't think I would stop because I was willing to go to 100 if I had to but I thought you know that's where I'll stop and re-evaluate so needless to say as the numbers mounted it didn't concern me in the least because my goodness there's a lot of men out there millions and we are trying to find one that is compatible with us how could you possibly expect to find that person in one or two dates I I just it's just not reasonable it could happen of course I had a hair stylist once who was in her early 20s and she had gone on Match and the first man she met was a match and she was in love and I said oh my goodness that's just wonderful maybe it happens more often with the young people I don't know but I would say don't expect that when you're in your 60s and 70s but something can happen you have to want it you have to persevere and you have to look at it like this I have a lot of free time I'm retired I'm a widow what else am I going to do with my time I can certainly have a cup of coffee or a lunch with a man who is also looking for someone and spend uh an hour or so with someone it's not going to hurt me and it may even enrich my life or change my life have you tried online dating I hope you've had a good experience I'd love it if you would share your experiences in the comments below so that others can hear what you have to say thanks for watching I hope you'll subscribe to my channel click the notification button and give me a thumbs up if you found this video to be at all helpful thanks and have a great day ...
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