meeting men where can you meet good men this is an age-old question but i suppose it's one that in an era of online dating where ...
meeting men
where can you meet good men this is an age-old question but i suppose it's one that in an era of online dating where we feel like we are sick and tired some of us even burning out meeting people through apps we're ready to meet someone in real life and when returning to that question of how do i meet someone in real life what do i need to do people so often ask me where do i go before i even get into the video i just want to encourage everybody to subscribe to this channel if you haven't already hit the notification bell so that you don't miss any future videos and we have a brand new website howtogettheguy.com if you haven't been over there in a minute it looks gorgeous we've put a ton of work into it and on the home page there's this really cool tool now where you can put in the issue you're having in your love life and it will recommend the best program i have for where you're at right now so go check that out that's been really popular that is over at howtogettheguy.com so is there an ideal place to meet someone that we would be attracted to it's really seductive isn't it the idea that there is such a place that we could go to this one fountain of wonderful people that are like us and in a sense i suppose you can engineer it that way you could start by say going to places where people who would have similar interests to you would go if you're a very active person you might join a running club because you're going to find people who also value health and fitness now that's an oversimplification just because someone has the same interest as us it doesn't mean they have the same values as us but it's still a progress isn't it from going to a bar where what are the chances that the random person you meet in a bar is going to share your values your worldview or we could not go down the values and interest based approach and simply say where would there be a lot of attractive people you could go to a tough mudder jameson or there'll be a lot of strapping men who are all deciding to do something rigorous and challenging and you might find some attractive people there you could go to what's another place that there would be a lot of attractive men stephen where would there be a lot of men kickboxing kickboxing jiu-jitsu jujitsu you could go and do jujitsu now you might argue but that's going to involve a lot of doing a thing i don't actually want to do you could go to a tech conference and you know that you're guaranteed to get a lot of men there the problem is that we can a get into a kind of caricatured cartoonish idea of where there will be great viable people many of you will have been to tech conferences and you'll say it was full of people that are not my type or the worst there'll be other people that say i went to i've been to a tough mudder or i've done those physical things and there's a lot of douchebags there everyone's got their story about why somewhere is bad and we can stereotype these places as if they're wonderful places to meet really quality people you can never guarantee meeting really quality people and in some sense we have to get out of this idea that there is going to be this amazing place to go to meet quality men what we can do is zoom out and take a an approach that increases the likelihood that we are going to create more opportunities with quality people and it starts by looking at our life right now how much of my life brings me into contact with other people that's a first simple question we can ask ourselves because we might be sitting at home swiping on apps looking for people but we're never actually getting out into environments where those kind of random encounters could actually happen in the real world one of the ways to start to get out of the house if we find that our life has contracted especially over the last couple of years is by doing the more sociable version of the things we already do like i said one of the problems of just trying to see where people would be and then going there is that you might end up doing a lot of things you really don't want to do things you're not interested in at all but if you look at the things you already are interested in it's very likely that there is a more sociable version of that thing than the way you're doing it right now so for example you could be someone who likes listening to audio books but could be going to a lecture you could be enjoying doing home workouts but you could actually go and join a class at a gym or you could join a running club you could do your shopping at home your grocery shopping and instead just go to a grocery store or if you want to go to an even more sociable version because we know that a grocery store isn't a place you socialize but it's still a place you're more likely to bump into someone than shopping at home on amazon you could go to a farmer's market and there it might be even more likely that you might end up having an interaction than if you go to a grocery store so there's layers to this and it might sound a bit silly but at the end of the day we have to be really simple about this and say of all the things i enjoy doing is there a way of me still indulging this passion this interest this thing i like to do but in a way that brings me into contact with other people and by the way you might even lean into if you know that there are certain activities you enjoy doing but they are really female centric then you might say to yourself if i go to a pole dancing class all the time and it's literally 95 women then i'm going to do a form of physical exercise that might actually bring me into contact with more guys i'm going to throw in a boxing class once a week so it's i'm not saying you have to do that but ask yourself the question am i doing sociable versions of activities that i like to do and in the things that i do that are sociable are they ever bringing me into contact with the sex that i am trying to attract and if the answer is no then we might actually start leaning into activities where the sex we're trying to attract actually are and by the way that's not to say that the only win to be had is going and doing something where we meet someone we want to attract it's also entirely possible that we meet someone that megan j in her ted talk refers to as a weak tie a new acquaintance a new friend who becomes part of our circle either intimately or loosely but becomes a person that invites us places that person may not be the love of your life they may just be a friend but they may invite you to the dinner party or the event where you meet the love of your life number two frequent places so sometimes we get sucked into the movie version of meeting the love of our life the meek cute we're in a place and on that particular day we happen to bump into someone that by random encounter turns out to be the love of our life now the hard part about that is that it's a bit of a one-shot one kill approach to our love lives we have to go out and the stars have to just align in that moment not only for the love of my life to happen to be in that room at that exact moment in time that i'm there but one or both of us is actually brave enough to make something happen or the universe conspires to make us bump into each other and our books go everywhere that moment has to happen how many times have you been in the room with the love of your life in one of those moments and just neither of you said anything when you frequent somewhere for example you join a gym class and you go there two or three times a week and a lot of the same people rotate in that class so you get to see the same faces what it means is today we can give each other a nod a week from now we might end up graduating from a nod to a hello a week from now we might end up graduating from a hello to what's your name by the way i see you in here you're a regular and now you start a conversation a conversation that might lead to a coffee a coffee a coffee that may lead to a date and so on when we frequent places we increase the chances that someone is going to be brave you know when someone says you come here often that cliche line well go somewhere often and it will be more likely that someone will actually speak to you or that you will be brave enough to say something to the same familiar face you keep seeing and that doesn't just extend to classes that can even extend to just venues you like to hang out the same working space the same coffee shop you start to see certain regulars you find a certain comfort with that place and there is something to be said for finding a comfort with a place when we get comfortable we're more likely to actually say something to someone because it feels like home for us in that territory number three and in contrast to the point i just made say yes to new people and new places one of the big issues is that we go out to dinner with the same married friends or the same friends who are in relationships all the time there is a kind of stereotypical person that anytime they leave the house is to go and have another dinner with the people that they catch up with every week and those people have already found their person so they're not looking and they might find it strange if you get up from the table and just start talking to someone out of nowhere or you might feel embarrassed or awkward in doing that around people who have already found love who are you know that confidence and that relaxed i don't care indifference that comes from people who have already found love they always seem so confident don't they they always seem like they've got it all together that's because they found their person they don't understand anymore the nerves of having to go over to someone that you're attracted to and try to make something happen you know when someone who's been married for 25 years sees you look at someone and they're like go over there and you're like you have no you haven't been in the game for years you have no idea the awkwardness or the fear of having to go over to someone it's so easy to say to your single friend when you're in a relationship you should go talk to them i wonder how brave they were when they were single but the point is when we keep going out with the same friends who are already taken we end up in the same conversations in the same bubble and it gets hard to break out of it that's not just true if you go to dinner with your same friends all the time it's true even if they invited you to their dinner party where you're gonna know everyone already and you're gonna end up being with the same people saying yes to a new friend or someone that is an acquaintance someone that you wouldn't normally say yes to when they invite you to their dinner party when they invite you to their event means meeting a whole new set of people it's one of the benefits of the weak tires that we were talking about a minute ago is that when you say yes to an invitation from a weak tie you're not just saying yes to them you're exposing yourself to a whole new potential community and that will have untapped people in it literally jameson people you haven't tapped you know i'm cutting that the same can be said for venues it's almost like we want the contrast of places we normally go to that we could meet new people in because we're comfortable but we also want to sprinkle in going to some places we don't normally go to just to get a different crowd just to put ourselves around a different kind of person say yes to the kind of event you wouldn't normally say yes to we complain a lot don't we that i just always meet the same kinds of people they're always this kind of guy i need to try something different well try something different go to a different place go to a jazz night if you never go to jazz nights go to something outdoorsy if you never do that if you're like i just keep meeting these guys who you know they they take themselves really seriously or they think they're the and they always end up using me or whatever but you know that you keep going to that same scenic hangout all the time then go somewhere that's not a scenic hangout go somewhere where people don't go to be seen go somewhere completely different altogether go somewhere understated go somewhere where people aren't trying to look cool they're trying to have fun go somewhere where you're going to meet a different kind of person at the very least where you're going to meet a new crowd i feel like so much of this can be boiled down to put yourself where other people are and an important point that we haven't actually made yet in this video is be 10 more proactive than you would normally be when you're in those places i say 10 because firstly if i told you to race up to everyone you were attracted to all the time and go and seduce them that would be incredibly intimidating and you probably wouldn't do it would be too daunting but we can all manage to be 10 more proactive 10 more proactive can mean looking at someone several times instead of for a brief fleeting moment and then looking away and assuming that they know you're interested being 10 more proactive can be asking someone what they just ordered because it looked good being 10 more proactive can be smiling at someone or it can even be just putting yourself in close proximity to that person so it's easier for them to turn and talk to you than to walk across the room to approach you which is really scary for somebody especially if it goes wrong being 10 percent more proactive is totally achievable most people go through their lives expecting somebody else to do the 20 required to get a conversation off the ground if we take half of that burden if we take 10 percent and they take 10 percent then we're going to have many opportunities to talk to people for things to happen it's so often the case that the people we meet in life are the loudest person in the room they're the person who's running up to us to tell us that we're really attractive and starting a conversation now that person might be confident we might also say that that person is used to doing that because they do it with everybody or it's what they're doing every night and that might not be an indication of the best partner or the person who's taking the process ultra seriously it might be but it might also be the narcissist it might also be someone who's just trying to get laid that person who might actually require us to do 10 so that they feel brave enough to do 10 might be a lot more interesting might be an equally attractive but different kind of person than the one we normally meet but the only way we'll meet those people who don't feel the need to be in the spotlight who don't feel the need to race over to everybody who are comfortable enough to hang back or frankly might just be slightly more shy or might be a little more introverted or might not be in the habit of constantly approaching women those people might be encouraged by that 10 percent that makes them feel like oh i have permission to talk to you we should get off of the language of where where do i meet great guys and focus on the language of who because trying to find the perfect place who's to say what the perfect place is but recognizing that if we put ourselves in environments where there are lots of people will there be some places that are better than others yeah of course you're probably more likely to find someone who's serious about a relationship in a running club than a rave it's more important to recognize that in any room where there's people the who is really important who do we typically end up meeting in that room do we meet the person who's really big and bold and brash and runs over to us or do we meet the people that are in all sorts of areas of the room that we don't normally interact with the kinds of people who require just a little more proactivity if we do that we will exponentially increase our chances of meeting someone if you like this video don't forget to hit the like button hit subscribe if you want to subscribe to these videos i really hope you do leave me a comment let me know what you thought of this and don't forget to check out the website how to get the guide dot com at the top of that home page is a really cool quiz tool where you can put in your love life challenge and it will recommend to you my best content solution for what you are going through thank you for watching i'll see you next time you ...
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