Dating In Your 40's

dating in your 40s foreign hey guys and welcome to this episode of keep it positive sweetie I'm Crystal Renee and today we are ta...

dating in your 40s

foreign hey guys and welcome to this episode of keep it positive sweetie I'm Crystal Renee and today we are talking about dating in your 40s and when I think about dating in your 40s the first song that came to mind was Destiny's Child Independent Women I'm a women independent throw your hands up at me and when I think of that is because I feel like once women get to their 40s they're and they're still dating they're definitely independent um I know for me I just turned 40 in October and it was something that clicked it was something that clicked it's like I'm literally the day I woke up after my party I was like whoa I had so much Clarity on things and I was very sure about what I wanted to do how I wanted it and all those things but leading up to that I work in a very vain industry in the industry that's always looking for the youngest and the hottest and the next and I was worried like Lord am I getting older like I and we also have an industry where we don't tell people our age so like even on my invitation I was very um strategic about not putting that I was turning 40 because I just didn't want to put that out there but um Everybody found out anyway so now everybody knows but when you're dating in your 40s there's so many factors that come into place [Music] um your biological clock is ticking Society has put so much stress on you need to get married by this age you need to start having children by this age and my acting career got started very late and what I thought was late within I realized some of the greatest artists there are started in their 40s so I'm actually not as insecure about that as I was before but um I was worried about that my biological clock is ticking I found myself attracting like 20 year olds and I was like what is this I know I don't look 40. that was the first thing I don't look like um how old I am but I was attracting young people and with that it became a stress because I knew they wanted children I'm like okay these are conversations we have to have and I always wanted to date somebody that's either my age or a little older and honestly they'd already had children because I didn't want that pressure I don't want the pressure of okay he wants children I can't give him that like what if I passed that stage in my life and another thing that's really hard about dating in your 40s is for me is finding a man that's not intimidated I um I've dated and then men see how I'm living and it's like oh I can't keep up with that and I'm like I don't need you to keep up the things I need from you of course I want someone who has something going on for themselves of course I want somebody who can do the things for me that I can do for them but it doesn't have to always be on the level that I do it because that's what not what I need you for I need love I need affection I need the Love Languages and there's five and I need all of them um I need someone that is emotionally supportive to me someone that that supports my career and I've found that a lot of men are not in a space of maturity or even have the bandwidth to give me that they're so used to just buying women and oh I'll go do this I'll pay for this and everything's gonna be okay no like I need some like I need you to be my homie my lover and my friend and that's where I feel like even dating I just haven't found all three of those things in a man um when I think about some of my like worse and best dates one of the best dates I ever had I was living in DC and this was when the Devil Wears Pride was out anybody who knows me knows I can quote The Devil Wears Prada from top to bottom like I love that movie and we I had never taken a train ride before so we took the train from DC to New York he took me to Nobu 57 and this is like when Nobu was like just starting to pop because he was in every rap song so like it was like oh we want to know who tonight so we went to Nobu and then the next day he took me to see The Color Purple after the play he took me to Smith and Lewinsky which was um the restaurant that Meryl Streep had Anne Hathaway go get her lunch and when she brought it she goes oh I don't need it I'm going to have lunch with the marchier and she was like pissed so she takes the plate and throws it in the sink and the plate cracks and all this stuff so we went there we got the exact same steak that Meryl Streep had ordered or that Anne Hathaway had ordered from L Street and I was like this is the most thoughtful Valentine's Day I've ever had and probably still won the most thoughtful weekend so I was like really planned out for me um and then we got back home he brought me my first Louis Vuitton bag and I was like okay yeah this is great and then I found out that he was a scammer yeah they always say when things seem to be too good to be true they probably are and it was I was like Lord how this man work for the government and he's coming he had this man and I don't want to be stereotypical because we if you're living in Atlanta we know there's a lot of scammers and most of them are of African descent so he had this African friend who he's like he owed him some money and he's like hey babe can whatever his name was put this money um in your accounts I was like sure so I wake up one morning and there's like no oh I wake up and there's like a million dollars a negative million dollars on my bank statement I'm like a negative million dollars I'm like first of all I'm working for the governor I know I ain't making no million dollars I'm like and what is it who who put out a million it wasn't saying negative so I called the bank and they were like oh that's because there's a fraud alert on your account because the money that was deposited the other day was actually stolen what y'all I cannot make this [ __ ] up so like all my lunch break I had to go to Bank of America and put out an affidavits let them know it wasn't me and they're like no we know it wasn't you and um but I couldn't have an account with them for like years because of that um it was crazy so you got to be careful who dating get to know people because that was it turned it was real good and then it got real bad um let's see another bad day I want to tell y'all some funny stories and honest I'm gonna be honest with you guys I haven't really like been in a serious relationship since 2017. so the dating has been very far and few between um but I dated this other guy who was a little older and one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who doesn't tip well judge me if you want to but I feel like when there are people in Hospitality um you should take care of them especially if they look after you and especially if I'm taking to because I made the I actually set the reservation up because that was another thing I was always having to set up everything I'm like bro dog like can you do anything like what is going on like I don't understand that about men who like it's like the courtship has been lost like how men use like seven flowers we're going to talk about that too I'm having managed to send flowers um make to take time in advance to set up hey I want to take you out um on this day they wait till the day of the oh what are you doing tonight there's no initiative anymore um we're gonna talk about the flowers real quick so I love flowers anybody who knows me knows that I love flowers do you know how I dated this guy and he literally looked me in my face and said you know I haven't got any flowers and I was like why I do want to know actually yes and he said because he said because that because you want them what sense does that make he said but when I do do it he said it's going to be so elaborate you're going to be like oh my gosh and I was like you're making no sense if you know this is a part of my love language and this is something that makes me happy do it because I do that for you and that's another thing understanding like how people need to be loved because the way I love may not be the way my man needs to be loved so understanding that hey okay Crystal's love language is all the Love Languages so let me make sure at some point I'm I'm touching her let me make sure at some point I give her affection and make sure at some point I give her affirmations I give her gifts I do acts of service for her and I'm not I feel like that's all encompassed in a relationship and I'm not saying do all those things every single day but like just consistently let me know hey babe I see you I hear you and I feel you and when he did that I was just like okay this is crazy I was like you're not my guy you can go um and the other guy who didn't tip well it was just like you know if you don't trip I feel like you don't treat the way you treat like waiters and people who are there to serve you if you don't treat them right that's an immediately dismissal for me even when I think about like the dating process as a 40 year old woman it's not the same as it was in my 30s like sis don't have time you know I'm like okay what are we doing like I'm not applying the pressure like day one unless I really really like you um I'm like is he my husband I'm like yes because I need to know what are we doing um apply the pressure because I like you but I am I do like to take time to get to know my person um I am big on referrals I really do not like meeting strangers I want to know somebody that knows you to vet to be like to vouch for you and say okay yeah this person isn't crazy or he this is his past it's what he's been through I need a little little back story background check on you I just need to feel safe and then even with my success like I have to be more strategic about the type of men that I even am around you know I have to make sure that you just don't have a lot going on that you're here for the right reasons um even like the dating phase like before I could go a year and still be wondering like what are we doing now after a few months like okay we know each other like what are we doing like are we gonna make anything official are you trying to put a ring on it you tell me my life partner what um um but it's definitely a situation where I'm open I had to get I used to like to stay in the house all the time and I was like Crystal you're never going to find a man if you don't leave the house but y'all even that even just getting ready putting the makeup on doing your hair finding an outfit just going to shop for an outfit because you feel like I don't have nothing to wear and then you get out there and nobody approaches you what am I doing I find myself coming home I don't spend 200 on a meal and drinks it still ain't got no action what's going on I'm still trying to figure it out and people like me and don't approach him like no nobody approaches me I'm like I don't know if I look like I'm mean or some people say I'm unapproachable other people say oh you look like you already got a man I'm like I don't I don't I don't know if I need to put a sign on back I'm single ready to mingle and maybe somebody'll holla but like I try to like be more conscious of like smiling at people um starting conversation or being saying hello just so he the guy can know like okay she's interested or that was an invitation to have a further conversation but y'all don't get it like I don't understand help me I need somebody to respond to this and tell me what I need to do because your girl needs help and one of the biggest things for me is um being intentional and I let people know Straight Out The Gate listen if you're not intentional I'm in a very intentional space in my life right now I am I know what I want I know what I'm ready for I know what I bring to the table so when you come into this table I need you to understand ain't no half-assing ain't no like oh I'll call it when I want to call her I'm gonna carry her any kind of way certain times like in my 30s I feel like I had a little more grace or I feel like I put up with more because I wasn't as secure in who I am but now I'm not putting up with that I need you to come in knowing what you want and saying hey I see you and I know you're a good woman I know I need to take this serious even if it's just as a friendship I need to come in here knowing that I need to get to know you I'm not playing with you and where it goes is where it goes um I may have even put up with like cheating you know I'm saying I dealt with that and I would forgive and be like it's okay because I struggled with and I still kind of struggle with this I'm still trying to figure this part out um how we put marital expectations on dating so we were not married but I don't want you I want you to be monogamous um exclusive I want you to treat me like your wife and I want all the all the rewards of a husband and we're not married so I had a friend of mine she was like I just believe that you're single until you're married until you're married like you're it's not under God but we know at some point it has to be like okay this is decision this is what I'm doing and I would put up with a lot of things because I was like well like he's got to get out of the system you know and I'll make excuses for him um and then I would also try to justify well yeah we're not married so technically you can do what you want to do until we get married um but at what point does the man say you know what I'm ready to go ahead and start practicing being a husband because I know you're gonna want me to cook you want me to clean keep the house right keep my body right you want me to put it down right You're Gonna Want um me to carry myself in a certain way and all that encompasses a wife and I feel like that was something that I dealt with that I would I probably wouldn't deal with in my 40s something else I dealt with in my 40s was inconsistency I mean in my 30s something I felt I'm dealt with in my 30s was um inconsistency um I would allow a man to just kind of come in and come out I had a lot of relationships where it was off and on and whenever he called back we were back on we'd fade out and then I would do what I was doing he would do what he was doing then he called and said he missed me and it was like okay we back you know I had a guy that I did that with for like six years he was like off and on off and on and um to this day is funny they're like you know that's your husband I'm like no they was like well he still ain't with nobody and I'm like yeah because he got issues he has commitment issues and I was like that's not my husband um something else that I dealt with in my 30s that I would not do now is the lying like I just let's just say this I put up with a lot of [ __ ] that I would not put up with now and that's because I don't have the tolerance I have zero tolerance for lying cheating um for inconsistency for someone who a deal breaker free is someone who's not like a man of God who doesn't want to go to church like I need somebody that I can do everything with I don't want to just we man we go on vacations together we go to dinner together we go to ball games together we do all the things together but when it on Sundays I'm the only one going to church that ain't gonna work for me I need somebody that's like baby we gonna pray together too because we got to keep this thing tight and um that's for me is like one of the biggest biggest things I always say when people like what are you looking for in a man and I would say I want a man that has to seek God to get to me when they see me they're like oh I can't go about the same way I didn't win with all these other women I got to go with this woman different Lord help me secure this because I know if I do it I'ma mess it up I need you to seek him first before you step over here okay secondly how he treats his mother I want him to like if that my mother always said watch how man treats his mom because that's how he's going to treat you and it's so true um I look at how he is around his friends the friend the company that he keeps how he is when I bring my friends around because a lot of times you can kind of tell when you bring them in different environments you're like okay I see how you carry yourself I want somebody I can take in any room whether we with the president of the Atlanta Hawks Suite or we are at a children's center helping some kids like I want to know that I can put you in any room and you're going to adapt and I can go to the bathroom you're not going to embarrass me okay because for some folks you cannot leave unattended another thing that I look for in a man is um honesty and integrity Integrity is so important because if you don't have that it's just everything else starts to crumble um the way he handles himself takes care of his body that's important and I've noticed that like the older I get it's less about the physical don't get me wrong like that's we got eyes that's the first thing you do is you see you see the version like dang okay what's up Daddy and then it's like okay but which what else you got you're saying after that but I still want to be like okay I see you but I've noticed that the older I get the um the less important the physically is it's more about your spirit and your soul and I found like I've given guys who may not be worldly like the quote-unquote like World definition of fine and then I get to know and I'm like wow you really are fine you may not be like what the world deems beautiful but like your spirit is so beautiful I dated this one guy and um he was Muslim and um my parents were so mad they were like you are that's unequally yoked like you shouldn't date somebody who's not Christian and I was like and this is really kind of what changed my view on religion but we'll talk about that in a second um and I was like but nobody's ever loved me the way he has this guy was the kindest person he loved the way I love I love really hard he loved hard there was nothing that I didn't have to ask for anything if he saw that I needed it it was done I was like he was so attentive we're still good friends to this day um and he came to my college graduation he got to meet my family after this man met my family they were like oh my God we love him because they saw what I saw and um just a beautiful beautiful soul but taking it back to the religion part um because of that and the way my parents reacted to that whole unequally yoked thing because of the way the way he made me feel and the way he loved me it started to make me think that religion was just put in place to give people rules to live by to like so that people could be good and in all of all the religions there's like one thing in common is love your neighbor as yourself like be good to people how you treat people is what's going to come back to you and if a lot if the whole world followed that it would be such a loving world and um I don't get I haven't studied like deeply all the different religions but I feel like it was all put into place so that we can just be good people and have some type of rules to live by so we're not Reckless but that was mine he's only Muslim I've dated honestly like I used to one like the hot boy you know I'm saying they had it going on the most popular even from like high school I always dated like the start of football team College I paid to start the basketball team um and then I it was a phase of my life where I started to attract like dudes that was making a lot of money and I got I was in college and that was when I was exposed to like my first like millionaire boyfriend and I was like whoa this is a different life and being exposed to at a very young age was like it was a lot you know and then you get you get exposed and that's what you it's almost like a drug it's like you get addicted to the life the access um everything that comes with that and I saw that like it was a trend I continued to attract um that type of man somebody that was always like high in stature and I think it was and I started to even look at me and like okay yeah I just want somebody to take care of me I had that mentality because I didn't have nothing going on but when you when I started having something going on and the table started turning I was making my own money I was standing on my own two feet I didn't have to pay on him to pay my bills I could do it on my own that's when I started looking for different things in a man I was looking for somebody to take care of me when I was younger but as I started to come into my own I was like no like I need something deeper like it's not all about the fame it's not about the riches because those men and I'm not putting all men who make a lot of money or men of stature and high status in the same box but it's a lot that comes with their life and you deal with infidelity you deal with ego you deal with um a lot of loneliness because they're always busy um and those are things like okay do I want that like is this life I want do I want to be by myself all the time while he's out doing God knows what um because he feels like he can because he's the one bringing all the money in so when I started making my own money I started my whole idea of what I wanted and a man started to change and not saying that my success defines me but I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that it didn't boost my confidence and make me like I don't need you you know I can do this on my own I want you and there's a difference between needing somebody and wanting somebody when you want them it's a choice I'm making a choice to be with you when I need you it's like [ __ ] I'm not going to be able to survive if I don't have you and the need turns into something different like I need um that spiritual connection I need you mentally like you have my heart and my soul now it's not all like tangible things when now for where I am now [Music] um but yeah it's definitely changed I look more on the inside than the outside it's not all about it's not all about what you can do for me at this age it's about how you can feed me and that's what it really is how can you feed me how can you feed my spirit how can I learn from you there's guys that like literally can be top NBA players that like Crystal I will marry you tomorrow and I'm like bruh the conversation is horrible like I'm a sapiosexual you get me here you gonna get me there okay you gotta you gotta get the Mind first I'm like every time I'm on the phone with you I'm like and I know you'll buy me every Chanel collection everything in Gucci you'll take me on every trip I want to go on but when we there we'll be talking about like it's something about that like I have to be stimulated mentally um so those are the things I look for now as a 40 year and that's what the difference is for sure a man that's hauling that 40 year old Crystal needs to come with some confidence um some swag he got to come knowing like I need to see that you know that you can handle me because I don't feel like you can handle me I'm like okay I'm about to run all over you like I need to know that when you come to me you come with intention it's like listen like this is where in my life I want to get to know you I want to take you serious come to me single don't be having a whole bunch of stuff going on okay some scragglets go ahead and let them fall by the wayside before you come over here because I need you to be open to receive all that your blessings that God has for you because I'm a blessing okay I need you to know I'm a blessing I had one God tell me he was like you know Crystal he's like I just wonder sometimes am I missing my blessing because I'm in a he's in a very like um he's in a very evolutionary phase of his life where this I've been talking about he is doing amazing things and he's like and I wonder because of where I am and I'm in a phase where I have to be selfish and there are phases in life where you have to focus on yourself he's like am I missing my blessing and I looked up at him and I said you are but that's okay you got to do what you feel is right for you and if the timing is right and we're supposed to be together we'll be together when the time is right and if not you're a great friend and I'm here for you I support you but you're not about to play with me we can be cool we got to keep it just like this keep it friendly don't don't play with me when you know that's not what you're ready for so he's got to be intentional um he's got to be ready for open for something serious because I'm telling you like when you come over here you're not you're gonna love it you're gonna love it here and you're not gonna leave so yeah you got to come confident he got to come intentional and ready so I talked about it I said that I like I love referrals but um in 2019 my friends were like Crystal why are you single like you are such an amazing woman like there I know there's somebody out there for you and I had two friends that had met on Raya which is just like high-end Elite um dating site you got to get vetted so like anybody just can't sign up for this site and I was like okay like I felt a little more comfortable and safe about it because for me like I've heard the horror stories of people meeting on dating sites and this is not everybody's story um but for me in my scary behind I'm like that'll be my story it's like I don't want to be on the news um because I went on dating site and met some crazy man but I got on there and I was scrolling through I was like oh my goodness it took me like a week or two to even get approved so I get on there and I'm like uh and then a few guys that I did match with they never hit me so I was just like what okay this is stupid so I deactivated my account um and hats off to anybody who does that and it actually works like because I feel like there are some good people out there who use dating sites for the right reasons and those are people who are your everybody's looking for a relationship so it's not like you're going out there and we're not on the same page we definitely have the same end goal in mind that we're ready to be with somebody and we want to get married or whatever the case may be but I'm big on referrals I'm not too keen on the dating sites somebody asked me for would I go on like a dating a dating show no yeah no I would never somebody literally didn't or didn't somebody asked me to like somebody did ask me about some type of show and we're like well hosted but we're not like coming on it yes yes I care yeah we were both like nah I just I don't know like it's something about that and that's whatever you do is your business and I watch the shows I think they're fun to watch and I'm very intrigued by it but I'm not putting myself out there on live television I do that already through my work I'm not about to put you like in that all my business trying to find love there was another show too was it looking for love that will Packer produces yeah that's my mom loves that show um but yeah no I don't think I would do a dating show or anything like that either when it comes to like dating and that timeline of okay we met we get to know each other you're courting me okay now are we exclusive are we doing this thing what are we doing the most uncomfortable position to be in in a relationship or in a dating phase is to the point where you like confused about what we're doing I talked to this guy for a year and didn't know what we were doing and when I finally asked I was like so what do we do and I know guys hate that question it's like a or they hate that we need to talk and they hate that what are we doing it's like and I'm like I don't and I tried to use my tone like so what are we doing not so what are we doing I try to be very particular about how I said it because I didn't want to like scare him or him be like her to go into shell and be like oh God I don't want to talk about this and he was like we're um I'm thinking we're dating and he's like oh no he's like we're getting to know each other I'm like bruh how much knowing do we need to get like come on Pastor Darius and um Pastor Shamika say collecting data I was like it ain't that much data to collect I showed you in three months what it was if you ain't catch it you can catch it so I'm thinking we dating and that's the importance of communication because women will be thinking one thing and a man will be thinking another so I feel like at that point I was in my 30s and I waited a year to kind of figure out what we were doing but now I feel like within within 90 days that three-month period we need to know what we're doing you know like I'm not gonna keep wasting my time if you're unsure because I'm an open book when in my energy is very like penetrating like you're gonna feel it and it's either you're gonna feel it or you you're not feeling it so like make a decision don't string me along I need you to be very vocal about how you feel um so yeah I would say I about three months is my like waiting period to kind of figure out where it's going at this age I'mma have a man who I don't have to ask he's going to tell me or I might have to hit him with the um I'm about to go go out tonight um am I taking or no because I need to let these these men know what it is because I know they're gonna be on me you know or not because they're gonna be approaching me but am I taking her at all you know I need to know I might hit him with that it'll probably catch them off guard but um no like I at some point like I feel at that point I'll be like so what are we doing like this is where I am this is how I feel about you um and if I'm asking you that that means I feel safe with you I want to take this further um but I hope that the man that I attract now I hope that I'm attracting likeness and people who think like me that I'm not even gonna have to ask that to he's going to come to me like babe like this is where I am I want to take this to the next level with you and I'm going to speak that my next man I'm not even had to ask him because he's going to tell me and he's gonna let me know baby this is what it is I got you we in this thing and it's so funny because my parents got engaged within six months and they were married by the eighth month it's like it was a very fast track uh marriage and my mom always says it don't take nobody um that long to figure out they want to be with you or not now I will say say that I go back and forth to this some days I want marriage other days I want a life partner um there's been a time where I wondered if I just wanted a commitment ceremony because I wanted to be I wanted to honor God and get married before God but not in the law you know I'm saying I feel like it just gets weird and Technical when it comes to um getting married the the way that the United States and everybody else wants to get married but I feel like that's between you and God and if we can honor God and live by those vows that's all I need and what we do together how we build together is ours and if it don't work you go your way I go mine we split what we've done together I leave what I came with you leave what you came with um but then other times like okay let's get married I don't know I still want my ring whichever way I do it I need that ring okay minimum eight uh what Jay-Z say rocks so big can't can't even fit her hand in their new purse yeah I need that I need that thing I've had I need the one that I like got to take off some days my baby's just too big it's just too big everything's too big [Laughter] too big it's too wide it's too strong it won't fit all the things just a big energy okay let me have been a fun boy they keep you young they keep you young you know what I like about young men is that they're very confident if they're like attracted to an older woman those little boys be coming with some confidence it's like okay they make you feel good about yourself they they hype you up and I think we do the same thing for them older women it's like uh we struck their ego we make them feel more of a man and it's like they feel like they're conquering something but little do you know we conquering them we just let them think that they they doing something um but yeah my day I did go through a phase where all I was attracting was 20 year olds and like even boys they were like well I'm 29 it went to 28 29 and then I met a 30 year old and finally I'm meeting like men in their 40s where I'm like okay been through some things have a better understanding of life that's what I need me and young men I realized there's some some good conversation we have fun together but when it gets to that depth and what I really need in a relationship they can't really provide me with that and there are some young men that have gone through enough in their childhood where they're like I'm like well like you actually have an old soul and it's because of things they've been with been through but for me I definitely need somebody a little older someone that's my age that understands and has that maturity I feel like there are pros and cons to like dating guys that are a little older than you I personally wouldn't go over five to eight years older than me I kind of want to keep it in that range um because I feel like once you get like into the 50s and the 60s that's just we got it's just too much and like I see my daddy like for reals I can't do that um but even like the energy and like the fun there's some 50s and 60 year olds that like like to have fun but I feel like my age range like we're still young we still have a lot of vigor we like to go out like to travel I need somebody to keep up with me because when I go out like especially out of the country I like to have a good time and I'm out partying I might be on the table I don't need you be embarrassed like I want to have a good time and I don't feel like sometimes like older people they just want to stay in the house all the time or want to do boring stuff like I don't want to go play Bingo like what I'm trying to no I'm trying to you know that's what old people be doing I'm supposed to be playing bingo going to Bingo night nah bro all right God I'm gonna be over it uh I'll be a Nobu holla at me one of the the first young boy I talked to um we met through a music friend we had dinner together we pulled up on and we had dinner with them and um I thought he liked my friend so then I get a call my brother's like yo um so-and-so wants your number and I was like me I was like because my friend is like a lot younger than I am so I just knew that he wanted my friend he's like nah he said you and I said oh I said okay I was like yeah you give my number so I hit him he was like hey what's up he's like I want to fly you out like I want to bring you um to where I live if I say too much people on the whole time but yes I want to bring you to where I am and he was very like assertive in life was very made plans all right send me your birthday and all this stuff I'm falling out put you in a hotel because I know we don't know each other like that um and it was time to go eat so like he came and picked me up he did all the things it was like very thought out and I was like okay little boy I see what she's doing and he was just like yeah he's like I saw you and I was like yo like who is that he said as soon as you walked in I was like who is that he's like oh that's Crystal and um I was like yeah I was like I'm a lot older than you so I don't care about that where they say age ain't nothing but a number y'all I love to use that line I was like age is one of the number one so we get down the line okay we gotta right now it's all cute but when we get to the nitty-gritty and you start wanting babies and talking other things I'm like uh I'm 40 years old so he came with a real confident King strong was already booking flights planning dates and I was like okay I like that like that all right guys here is one of my favorite parts of the show where we have positive outcomes where you guys write into me and I give you my advice so this one says Miss Crystal hey Crystal I am a huge fan of your work I'm 43 years old and recently divorced with a 15 year old son my marriage was over a long time before we decided to end it ain't that it my son loves his father to death and took the divorce really hard now I'm single and ready to mingle but I'm scared today today's man because I was married for 20 years I have no clue on how to date and I know my son is going to give whoever I date the blues can you please give me some advice on how to put myself back out there okay yeah if you've been married if you were married for 20 years I totally understand because dating has completely changed and today's man is not the man 20 years ago so um I'm gonna tell you to buckle up because It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp like it's real hard I'm telling you like people think I tell people honestly who like have troubles in their marriages I was like do everything you can to work that thing out because when you come out here ain't nothing out here so I'm gonna be honest with you it's gonna be hard um but I want you to be open-minded I want you to get up go to like restaurants where you feel like you can meet people sometimes like nice hotel bars or nice places to meet people um you want to go to places that attract the type of man that you want um don't just like go anywhere you got to be very strategic about where you go my friend used to tell me like go to Whole Foods put on a cute little workout outfit because that's where all the doctors go for lunch and I was like what she goes I'm serious Crystal go to Starbucks in the morning because that's where everybody goes to get to get their coffee and she was like you think about it you want to strategically put yourself in the places that you want to meet the caliber of man that you want um as far as your son I sons are over protective of their mother so I'm sure whoever you date your son's gonna give a hard time but yeah I would say just be open-minded know that it's not going to be easy that it's going to be a lot harder than it was 20 years ago but honey if that's what you want you deserve it and I want you to get your man okay keep it positive sweetie what I'm going through and what I'm growing through in this season of my life when it comes to dating in my 40s I am going through developing patience for the timeline that God has me on to get a man because right now I'm like Lord where is he and I feel like he's coming this year I really do I feel like he's coming this year but um Lord where is he and I'm growing through this season um learning myself and preparing myself for that man so in therapy I'm really trying to unpack more things so that I can be my full self when I do find or attract because I'm not fine he's gonna find me um find my man so yeah that's what I'm going through and what I'm growing through guys this has been an amazing episode I hope you guys enjoyed it um for the keep it blank sweetie what are we gonna say I'ma say keep it um keep it cute sweetie okay because listen we're 40. we're fabulous we're fine just keep it cute have fun with it and stay open-minded thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode if you want to write into my positive outcomes listening letter make sure you write to keep it positive sweetie gmail.com you can find me on all things all platforms at love Crystal Renee follow me tap in and let me know how you guys are enjoying the show I hope it's blessing you as much as it's blessing me and in the meantime you know what to do keep it positive sweetie foreign [Music] foreign ...